move over, Alexander

I went to sleep at 3 a.m. and woke up at 7 a.m. and when I got out of bed this morning, I tripped over my laptop cord, and by mistake, I dropped my cell phone in the sink, and I could tell it was going to be a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

At breakfast, nobody else was out of bed, so I ate a frosted blueberry muffin pop-tart all by myself. And, I'm not in my own house, so I have to wear my pajamas, and I HATE my pajamas, and the dogs keep licking my toes.

I think I'll move to Australia.

At noon, Kacey and I took the car with no air-conditioning across town to the zoo. When we got there, the zoo was full, and they had closed the entrance gate, so not only was I glistening, I also didn't get to see the dolphins.

At Target, they were out of my St. Ives apricot scrub, and we tried to get command strips, but for the longest time, all we could find were sticky strips. I don't want plain 'ol sticky strips. They can put them on sale, but they can't make me buy them.

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I could tell because nobody texted me, and nobody sent me an inbox, and nobody commented on my blog. I don't even know where my boy is today. I hope he's not in Australia.

There was a piece of Chocolate Cheesecake leftover in the fridge last night. It wasn't there this morning.

Kacey won at Slug Bug 12 to 1. I said the sun was in my eyes. I said the sun in my eyes was making me sneeze. I said, "If you slug me one more time, I'm going to punch you dead in the face!" She just laughed at me.

I was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

My debit card expired. I spilled queso on my shirt. I found a new patch of gray hairs, and I had to ride the "down" escalator and I HATE riding the "down" escalator.

Nathan and Kacey left me all alone for the night, and I was going to relax for awhile in the giant bathtub. But the bath wasn't hot, I got soap in my eyes, and I cut myself shaving.

My computer froze up. I couldn't check email, the hairdryer overheated and I broke my favorite fingernail.

It WAS a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day.

The dogs kept treating me like the Indy 500 finish line, I couldn't find Rocco's collar to let him outside, and he peed in the floor.

The tv wouldn't turn on because there are 3 separate remotes and even with my glasses on, I couldn't read the tiny letters, so I stared at a 46" black screen and felt sorry for myself.

The baby doesn't seem to want to come out, not even to see her M.E. ("Emmy"), so the countdown continues . . .

It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Some days are like that . . . even in Australia.