February 29, 2008

WARNING: fluorescent lights are hazardous to your self-esteem

Terrell came in to my office earlier today so we could work on some worship stuff. We finished talking and he just sat here for awhile. After a few minutes he said, "What is it about your office that makes people want to come in here and stay?" I took that as a compliment. Now, I'd like to think that it's my company that makes people want to hang out, but truthfully, I think it is because I have sage green walls and four lamps that light the room with warm incandescent lighting. It gives you, to quote the Eagles, a "peaceful, easy feeling". Maybe too peaceful and easy judging from the photos, but still, a welcome change from the "slap-you-in-the-face" overhead fluorescents in most offices. Fluorescent lighting should be illegal. Come on, if they can enact a smoking ban in every public building in the country because it's hazardous to your health, then can't they do the same to fluorescents because they're hazardous to your self-esteem???

At least they should offer a disclaimer like Dairy Queen does with peanuts.

WARNING: This establishemnt uses fluorescent lighting. Once you enter the premises you will appear hideous. Your skin will become blotchy, all cellulite will be painfully obvious, the low, dull buzzing will leave you with a migraine, and your pants and socks will no longer match even though they looked fine in your bedroom this morning.

Yes, I know fluorescents are a "greener" more environmentally friendly choice, but if that is our reasoning, then I vote for candles. Who doesn't look better in candlelight?

February 26, 2008

amendment to my so-called funny life

Okay, so I tell stories the way I remember them. It's my blog. It's my reality. I like it that way! But it's been suggested I need to amend some of yesterday's stories, so here goes:

Re: the Godzilla sushi story. There was no actual oozing of rice and avacado. That line was for comedic effect.

Re: The dog jokes. They're all true. When Kevin was getting into the shower he said, "I'm going to wash myself now." I said, "Don't get a fur ball."

Re: The sesame chicken slime-fest and chase scene. I was reminded that my precious baby Kevin was guilty of holding Mike's arms behind him, enabling Sara to smear Mike's face. Hence the need for Kevin to barracade himself in the room with Sara. The rest about the chasing and running and squealing is all true, and gets funnier every time I replay it in my head, which is much more entertaining than doing co-op lesson plans.

Re: the boy's proposal. My intention was not to shed a "cruel light" on Nathan's proposal. I thought it was brilliant! It was the ONLY way he was going to surprise her and he got her good. Only when she came into the house so solemnly the first time and then he knocked and she went back out, I thought they had gotten into a fight. It was killing me to not snoop or peek out the window when they were standing 15 feet away from me!!!

Re: 70's clothes. I have a slightly wicked sense of humor, but even I am not so cruel as to make Mike wear those Coke pants. He told me yesterday that he didn't think he could pull them off. I had to ask if he meant that literally or figuratively.

February 24, 2008

my so-called funny life

My son was "Undignified" this morning for the JAM kids. (This means, like David who danced before the Lord in his underwear, my son danced in a similarly undignified manner with Kelly for the elementary school kids today during children's worship). Here is a small clip:

We ate sushi at RuSan's in Nashville on Tuesday. At Kevin's prodding, Mike took on "Godzilla" the giant piece of sushi in one bite. It was uncomfortably enormous for anyone's mouth - even Mike's. It was especially unpleasant when rice and avacado began to ooze out of disgusting places in disgusting ways. Don't try to make a mental picture.

So, ever since the "dog shampoo" incident during last week's communal living, dog jokes about Kevin have been rampant. On the same day as the Godzilla sushi occurrence, Mike was dancing in the car. Kevin alluded to Mike's dancing looking more like siezures than choreography and asked Mike if he needed something to bite down on. Mike said he would just bite down on one of Kevin's chew toys! Then, on a snow day as I was watching all the school closings on the news, I decided we would officially change the name of our homeschool from "Reynolds Academy" to "Reynolds Obedience and Training School." Now, if we could only get him housebroken . . .

ReighAnne is not happy with me because I put this picture of her on the screen at church this morning. Tonight she mumbled something about setting cats on fire in my front yard and tapeworm eggs in my coffee . . . she says I should know better than to get on the bad side of a biologist. Frankly, I'm more than a little scared. (I love you, ReighAnne!)

On Thursday night we were finishing up at the office and deciding what to do for the evening. We decided on sesame chicken and "Lost". At this point we are still at the office. Greg has just left our house for his 20-min drive to work, it is raining and beginning to freeze outside, so the roads are getting nasty. I sent Kevin out to start the car. He did. From the passenger side. Then he locked it and came back inside. Yep. He LOCKED it, and came back inside. So now we are locked out of my car, the car is running, and the nearest set of extra keys is 30+ minutes away. Thanks to Sara, she took me to meet Greg and all that we lost was 45 minutes and a quarter tank of gas. (I suspect Kevin did it on purpose so I wouldn't make him go out in the cold to start the car anymore!)

Same Thursday night, sesame chicken was acquired and consumed, except for the smudge of brown syrupy sesame goo that Sara smeared on Mike's face. What followed was an all out game of chase between Sara and Mike, with ketchup bottle in hand, bent on revenge. It would be okay to make a mental picture of this one, 'cause it was too funny to watch them chase each other AROUND and AROUND and AROUND the kitchen, squealing (Okay, Sara was the only one squealing, Mike was just laughing!) and stopping only to catch their breath and change direction. Sara barracaded herself in the guest bedroom with Kevin until the coast cleared. Really wish you could have been there. (Though after today's post, they may not allow ME to be there anymore . . .)

Saturday night my daughter suspected she was getting an engagement ring. She was told to "dress up" and Nathan took her to diFratelli's. He didn't give her a ring. She thought maybe afterward they would drive down to the riverfront and he would propose there. He didn't. She thought mabye he would stop at the church building on the way home and give her the ring there. He didn't. He brought her home. He said goodnight. She came into the house almost in tears because she was so sure and she was so disappointed. Just as she was about to lose her composure, Nathan knocked on the door. When she opened it, he was down on one knee on our front porch. Needless to say, she got a ring. A GORGEOUS princess-cut sapphire ring, which is what she has always wanted.

Greg came in from work this morning at 6 at told me he was going on a geology expedition. Mind you, it's early and I'm still in bed. "What did you say?" "I'm going to do some geology work," he said. I still didn't get it. "HUH???" I said as I raised up slightly and made an expression that I feel is largely responsible for the wrinkles that are appearing on my face now. He said, "I'm - going - to - see - the - rock - on - my - daughter's - hand". Ohhhhh, geology work. Now I get it. I decided I needed to sleep a few more minutes.

I am enjoying scouring eBay for 70's clothes for Mikey to wear in the Paducah Follies show next month. These are some of my favorites:

Now if I can only find a wide-lapel, orange scenic-print polyester shirt . . .

February 12, 2008

microwave by candlelight

My parents got a new vehicle. It is white. Kevin told them they couldn't drive it after Labor Day.

My daughter has some exciting job prospects . . . she is "stoked" about the possibilities! Thanks to her wonderful boy for doing a Target run last night to buy her a portfolio and resume paper.

We have been without power since about 3 a.m. I am hoping by the time I get home this afternoon I will not have to use the microwave by candlelight!

Terrell just called and told me to "go home". He said the roads are getting bad, so for once, I might actually listen to him!

February 07, 2008

not exactly an open book

There's a difference between being close to someone and being open with them. With the exception of 2 or 3 people, I don't think I'm very good at either one. I attribute this to losing my very best friend - twice - the guy I planned to marry (due to bad communication and impatience on my part), and my sister a few years ago in a car wreck. Add to that the fact that we moved a lot when I was a kid. Between kindergarten and high school, I went to 8 different schools. But I never minded that part. Mom and Dad always made moving an adventure.

New houses, new schools, new friends. What this managed to accomplish, personality-wise, is that I make friends easily. Surface friends. Friendly friends. I'm really good with the "meet and greet" stuff. The "Hi, how are ya?" stuff. The talk-to-the-lady-in-front-of-me-in-the-check-out-lane stuff.

What I'm not so good with is the
"Here's Who I Am" stuff. The "Being Real" stuff. The "Sharing a Few Deeper Paragraphs" stuff. I'm quasi-terrified of being perceived as needy - mostly because it contradicts my whole facade of being independent - but also because I don't ever want to be one of those people who are draining.

Besides, doing the whole "Open Book" thing always makes me cry. ALWAYS. And I HATE to cry. Really I do. (My kids will never believe this, they think I actually enjoy crying over kleenex commercials and sappy love songs and roadkill puppies. I don't.)

Anyway . . . It's not really that I'm afraid people won't love me. I'm a pretty accepting person, so I assume most other people are too. It's that I'm afraid I will love them and then they will leave me. That's the part I've never really learned how to deal with.

On the plus side, God knows all my junk and He's not going anywhere.
I find enormous comfort in that.

February 04, 2008

Intelligent??? Meme (at Janice's request)

1. Visual/Spatial
(I LOVE to draw house plans.
Been doing it for years.
I have a theory as to why,
but that's fodder for another blog . . . )

2. Verbal/linguistic
(Any Monty Python quote will work, but I chose this one:)

King - Please! Please good people! I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?
Peasant 1 - No one lives there.
King - Then who is your lord?
Peasant 1 - We don't have a lord.
King - What?
Peasant 2 - I told you, we're an anarco-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week. But all the decisions of that officer must be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting; by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs-
King - Be quiet!
Peasant 2 - but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more serious-
King - Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
Peasant 1 - Order, eh? Who does he think he is? Ha!
King - I am your king!
Peasant 1 - Well I didn't vote for you.
(from Monty Python and the Holy Grail)

3. Musical/Rhythmical (A tribute to the 70's, Simon & Garfunkel, my tendency to be a snob about music and to have passed that snobbery on to my children, and playing & teaching piano)

4. Bodily/Kinesthetic
(A hot bath,
a good book,
and some quiet time . . .

does this count?)

5. Interpersonal (Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens . . . these pictures are a few of my favorite social things!)

. . . . . . . . .
6. Intrapersonal
MY attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant . . .

7. Naturalistic
The only thing that came to mind, after much consideration was when I was pregnant with Kevin and planning a homebirth. My mom was invited to be part of it, but was encouraged to voice her reservations before the due date. Knowing that we were avid recyclers and "green" thinkers, mom called one day and asked, "Will you have an actual PLASTIC bag to throw away the placenta after the birth?" (I think I gave her some story about burying it under a tree in the backyard and dancing in the moonlight.) I don't know why, but of all the things she could have been concerned about a home birth, this was her one and only reservation. Still makes me laugh.

8. Logical-Mathematical
"You get a penny for your thoughts but you have to put your two cents in, somebody’s making a penny."
Einstein's riddle (This is the first logic problem I ever did. Worked it with my dad. Been hooked on them ever since.)

There are 5 houses in 5 different colors. In each house lives a person with a different nationality. The 5 owners drink a certain type of beverage, smoke a certain brand of cigar, and keep a certain pet. No owners have the same pet, smoke the same brand of cigar, or drink the same beverage.Somebody owns a fish. The question is: who? Hints:
The Brit lives in the red house.
The Swede keeps dogs as pets.
The Dane drinks tea.
The green house is on the left and next to the white house.
The green homeowner drinks coffee.
The person who smokes Pall Mall rears birds.
The owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhill.
The man living in the center house drinks milk.
The Norwegian lives in the first house.
The man who smokes Blends lives next to the one who keeps cats.
The man who keeps the horse lives next to the man who smokes Dunhill.
The owner who smokes Bluemaster drinks beer.
The German smokes Prince.
The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.
The man who smokes Blends has a neighbor who drinks water.

February 01, 2008

selling my youngest-born

insurance company has assured us that if we don't put a new roof on our house, and fast, they are going to drop us: $2000+

car has been in the shop since last Thursday. I am selling my youngest-born to get it back: $1786.97 + new tires $350

picture tube on our tv went out. Jack and Kate faded to black and were . . . LOST. Price for new pretty 42" one at Sam's club: $1200 - 1600

Having sushi in Nashville tomorrow: priceless.