April 30, 2011

April Showers bring Mayhem . . . and a really silly blog.

If you are reading my blog because you know me, then you also know we have had over 10 inches of rain here in the last week.

If you are reading my blog because you googled the Weather Channel and ran across this post, well, I'm sorry, but now you've already read the first paragraph, so I don't see the need to repeat myself.

SO . . . in celebration of the April rain, I have done two things . . .

First, I made a 72-minute April playlist for my iPod:
James Taylor's Fire & Rain
Ronnie Milsap's Smoky Mountain Rain
Elvis' Kentucky Rain
Waylon & Willie's Blue Eyes Cryin' in the Rain
The Eurythmic's Here Comes the Rain Again
Eric Clapton's Fall Like Rain
Bill Wither's Ain't No Sunshine
CCR's Have You Ever Seen the Rain?
Eddie Rabbit's I Love a Rainy Night
The Carpenter's Rainy Days and Mondays
Jars of Clay's Flood
Phil Collins' I Wish it Would Rain Down
Simon & Garfunkel's Bridge Over Troubled Water
Kermit the Frog's Rainbow Connection
Noah's God Told Me to Build an Arky Arky
Michael Jackson's Billie Jean

Second, in an effort to put an optimistic spin on the constant thunderstorms and overflowing rivers, I present:

"Fifteen Reasons I am Embracing the Flood"
15. I can bass fish from bed.
14. It's fun to watch Kevin mow the yard with hedgeclippers and a kayak.
13. We are the next family to be featured on the History Channel's "Swamp People".
12. I always wanted to live on a 1630-square-foot luxury yacht. used HOUSEboat.
11. My friends, the ants, have come back to visit. Oh, how I have missed them.
10. My "walking place" is now my "swimming hole".
9. Free flotsam!
8. We can play "Marco Polo" in the living room.
7. Gotta love the irony of river-rafting to the nearest "Huck's" for a 79-cent Big Swig.
6. Scuba diving for earthworms!
5. Walking to the mailbox is reason enough to wear the thigh-high red leather boots in the back of my closet.
4. Spa night at Steph's . . . mudbaths for everybody!
2. Our pet alligator, Fluffy, can now go out to play.
1. My beloved Eddie van Honda's name has been changed to Chitty Chitty van Bang Bang.

April 23, 2011

Indiana. Indiana. Indiana. Indiana. Corn.

I spent 10 hours alone with Eddie van Honda last weekend . . . 10 very QUIET hours alone, as my iPod and Eddie's cd player are both kerplunk for the time being. And since my creativity gene is in "hibernation mode" these days, I had to rely on more prosaic ways to entertain myself.

So, I . . .

Set my cell phone alarm and repeatedly hit the snooze button every 15 minutes so it would play a nice little Caribbean tune which, for me, was an audio oasis in the Land of Corn.

Counted semi-trucks. Maybe you'll find it fascinating that I encountered 10.3 semis every minute on I-24, 8 semis per minute on I-57 and 9.6 per minute on I-70. Then again, maybe you won't. I didn't.

Prayed through my entire prayer list. Three times. It's entirely possible the political turmoil in Burkina Faso is much improved as a result. I'm just sayin'.

Somewhere between F'ingham and Indy, passed an exit for Martinsville (population, 14,543). Thought it was located between Indy and Louisville though, so texted myself to look it up on a map.

Stopped in Terre Haute for gas, then spent the next 10 driving miles doing math in my head trying to figure how many gallons of gas I got for $66 at $3.85 per gallon, and then dividing that into 418 trip miles to determine that Eddie gets 24.5 mpg interstate driving.

Chewed off all my cuticles.

Still finding myself hungry after the cuticle appetizer, weighed my dinner options and ended up grabbing a bag of Doritos, a Krispy Kreme donut and a diet Coke. In retrospect, the cuticles might have been the better option.

Practiced using my windshield wipers, in an effort to improve my rainy day driving skills. Discovered that my slow wipers have a 45-swish-per-minute rate while my fast wipers swish at one beat per second.

Wondered if our health insurance covers OCD therapy.

The highlight of my travel was upon arrival when I texted Kevin to say, "I'm here now!" My precious son wasted no time in responding with, "Darn. The assassins failed me again!"

April 10, 2011

same song, second verse

Outside my window... it's completely dark, which is one of the loveliest things about living outside of town. On overcast nights, it is pitch black. On clear nights, the stars go on forever.
I am thankful... for Sunday afternoon naps. I am going to desperately need one tomorrow.

I am wearing... what I always wear
when I sleep alone. I seriously hope the New Madrid fault is content to remain inactive for at least another five hours.

In the learning room... it's 2:12 A.M. My brain quit functioning three hours ago.

I am remembering... that I left the corn casserole on top of the stove, so now I have to go down to the kitchen and put it in the fridge. At 2:13 A.M. Maybe I'll get a cookie.

I am going... to be a doula!!! Again, and again, and again, and again. One down and four to go already on my calendar for this year, and it's just April!

On my mind...too many things. Mostly why the British pronounce schedule as sheddule. This fully explains my wide-awakedness at 2:18 A.M.

Around the house... it's quiet as a mouse. No dishwasher, no fan, no clothes dryer, no snoring man, just the faint humming of my laptop.

One of my favorite things... the way my cell phone glows purple when there is a message I haven't seen yet. (note the phone above in my blog header.) I like purple . . . my phone, my purse, my toenails.

P.S. - It's 2:24. Shouldn't I be asleep?

April 09, 2011

mother's not quite herself today

Outside my window... everything is a soft spring green. Each time I look outside, I am reminded of the ice storm of 2009 which took my redbuds, my Bradford pear, and my forsythia, leaving my spring yard devoid of color. Everything for a reason . . .

I am thankful... for being able to find the humor in life. Even if the humor is, more often than not, seriously sarcastic.

I am wearing... vitamin E moisturizer from head to toe because DANG, my 47-year-old skin feels like an out-of-swampland alligator.

In the learning room... in reading "Mental Floss" this week, I learned that the sound effects for the famous shower scene in Hitchcock's "Psycho" were actually created by repeatedly stabbing a casaba melon. I also learned that Donald Duck's middle name is "Fauntleroy". Man, I feel smart today.

I am remembering... that I need to fix a side dish of some sort for our small group tomorrow, which means I will have to actually go into the kitchen today for some reason other than "to get a cookie". I'm just sayin'.

I am going... to the kitchen to get a cookie. Be right back.

On my mind... You. And Willie Nelson. Always.

Around the house... the intense smell of diesel fuel. The cowboy decided to take a shower in it while he was filling a gas can. His clothes have now been through the washing machine at least 6 times, but the fumes are still permeating my breathing space.

One of my favorite things... I don't pick favorites. You know that. If I picked a favorite, that would entail actually making a choice. And I rarely make choices for fear of making the wrong one. What if I make a wrong choice and then have to live with the consequences? No thank you very much. I will just sit here in my jeans with my bare feet and look at pictures of Mayah and Cohen while blogging on my laptop and listening to a little Switchfoot and sipping on a cafe mocha and wishing my ipod was working so I could play Words with Friends. But I will not be picking favorites today.

P.S. - I have no idea what the entree is for our small group tomorrow. I'll fix corn. Corn is like beige carpet or blue jeans . . . it goes with everything, right?