July 14, 2010

the name game

I am going to be a GRANDMOTHER. I do not know how this happened. Okay, technically, I know HOW this happened, but I don’t know what happened. To my life, that is. Where’d it go? I’m not ready for this. I’m NOT old enough for this. (I’m 46. Shut up.)

The thing I am most “not ready” for is The Name Change. I like my name. Stephanie. Steph to those who get close. I like my identity. Mom. Mommy even still on occasion to both my grown and nearly-grown children. I like it. I’m a natural at the mom thing. It fits me. But this "G" word thing . . . well, not so much. Okay, not at all. It SOUNDS old. It FEELS old. And I have to LIVE with this stupid new name for the rest of my natural-born life (which may be spent in the state pen for strangling my son with his own tongue if he jokingly refers to me as “MeMaw” one more time.)
I am so not kidding.

I have now been on a 6-month mental quest attempting to ascertain an appropriate alias, and I have been astronomically unsuccessful. But, as Thomas Edison might have said, “I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 names that won’t work.” At least, not for me.

As far as I’m concerned, if you're gonna call me any variation of the "G" word, just go ahead and build a pine box, put me in a powder blue polyester dress and pull my hair back in a bun. That's all she wrote. It's over and done. The fat lady has sung.

See, the only REALLY cool grandmother name is GiGi, and Vicki beat me to it (Vicki is the other grandmother, and truly one very cool woman.) So I’m going to have to find my own cool, or at least creative, name.

Not TOO creative, mind you. In my quest, I have run across far too many like Granny Grunt, Big Momma, Gunkie, Cookie, Sugar, Cupcake, Cherry, Peaches, Sweetums, Cracker, Chicken Nana and Butter Butt. Seriously.

Right off the bat, I eliminate Nana (my mom, Nancy), Granny, Grandmama, Grandma, Mom G, Momma M, and Ma-Ma as those have been in use within the family already.

I can also eliminate GrandMother and GrandMaMa as I have never owned, nor ever plan to own, any Victorian furniture.

MaMaw, MeMaw and GeeMaw all sound like HeeHaw.

I thought there might be potential within the barrage of international names:
Oma (German) - but my great-grandmother’s name WAS Oma, so that doesn’t work.
Ya-Ya (Greek) - but there’s the whole Sisterhood of Divine Secrets thing.
Lola (Philippino) - but, you know, she was a showgirl, with yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to THERE. And I don’t Merengue or do the ChaCha, so . . .
And the Yiddish one: Bube.

Speaking of boobies (Did I REALLY just use the word “boobies” in my blog?), my husband thinks I should be Chi-Chi, which, in Spanish, is apparently a slang term for breasts. Frankly, as one who always has cleavage issues, even when wearing turtlenecks, I really don’t feel that my grandmother name needs to further the focus.

I've also heard DeeDee as a grandmother name, but again, with "DD" we could be adequately referring to my bra size, so that one’s off the table as well.

I like M.O.M., as in "Mother Of the Mom", or, perhaps, "Mom, the Sequel". That's cool and definitely fits with my movie-watching persona.

Other rejected options included:
Gams - I don’t have the legs to pull that one off.

Grammy - like the music award.
Grammar - my kids already call me the "Grammar Nazi", so this one is, at least, appropriate.
GaGa - "Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-Roma-ma-ah! Ga-ga-ooh-la-la! Don’t think this name works!"

I kinda like the concept of Diva or Goddess or Majestic Sweetness, but there’s no way my children would EVER let me get away with those. At least not with a straight face.
Maybe, Bella, which means “beauty” in Italian. Why are YOU laughing??? Clearly that one suits me.

One of our 3-year-olds at church always greets me with “Hello, Gorgeous!” I kinda like THAT.

It's also been suggested I simply be "Hot Granny". And, you know, who am I to argue? But "Hot Granny" has got to be the ultimate oxymoron.

Frankly, I just like "Stephie". It's the name my niece and nephew have always called me, and they were the ONLY ones allowed to call me that (at least until Sara M's lovely children came onto the scene.) My son-in-law fears this will sound disrespectful, and I guess I can see his point.

So, as Kacey and I were driving around discussing my dilemma, she simply stated that my grandmother name be cute and cool, but be something that's NOT my name.


After analyzing all the applicable autonyms, I've decided on a grandmother name. It's cute and cool and NOT my name.




Kacey Leigh said...

You know what's short for Veronica?

Vicki. Or Roni...but that makes me think of Rice A Roni, and I'm not sure you're a "starch" kind of grandmother.

Sorry to spoil that one for you :-)

~Stephanie said...

True. Starch has an "ironing" implication, not to mention the letters I-R-O-N are all found in Veronica.

Dang. Now I have to scratch starch and start from scratch.

Mombrarian said...

Hi Stephanie...you don't know me, I'm one of the Librarian's at Lipscomb and I stalk your blog after I found it from off your lovely daughter's blog.

Let me just say, I love your blog. When I see that you've posted something, I know my day will be brighter! I just got a kick out of reading this one today. I thought I would pass along a couple of other's that I personally know of...
I have a friend whose grandchildren call her Boo-Boo. That's one for you to consider :)
My brother named our grandmother as he was the first grandchild and he came up with the name "Munner". As best as we can figure it he was trying to imitate our mom calling her mom "Mother" and it came out as Munner in his toddler speak. My best friend growing up called her grandmother, Moth, but I always had images of an annoying flying thing buzzing around my head when I heard that one!

How about MiMi, was that in your list? That's kind of like GiGi.

Ashley said...

Lorelei has a Mimi and a Gigi. Unfortunately, both grandfathers are "Pa," so she has to clarify: Mimi's Pa or Gigi's Pa. :D

Another one I kind of like is: Honey. You'll probably hate that one too, but I think it's cute!

Oba-Chan is Japanese and sounds funny. I think I may have found my new nickname for you! :D Or...Nonna (italian)

Good luck on finding a name. (And if you pick Mimi, the baby will probably say it faster than Gigi...just saying :) )

*Lindsay*Jordan* said...

your husband!? What am I? Chop liver? I came up with chi chi. Since, you know, we both share in that deliema...

~Stephanie said...

HAHA! Lin, wasn't denying you credit for the revelation, it's just that he seemed pretty insistent on sticking me with it!

And, Mombrarian, you made my day!!!! THANK YOU! And I, too, think my daughter is lovely. :o)

NinjaPrincess said...

Well, I was going to suggest Peaches until I saw it was on your "no-no list"!

I think you should go with Toots...rhymes with foot(s). Although, son-in-law-face may find that disrespectful as well. :)

~Stephanie said...

No, Ninja, my family would most certainly pronounce it like "roots", and since the guys in my family already consider passing gas as an Olympic event, I need to avoid that.

And yes, Ashley, any form of a food name is a no-no for me! :o)

Sandy said...

Mama Steph. Is that too close to Ma-Ma? My great-grandparents were called Mama Sandy (Sandy was their last name) and Papa John, so since our family also has a full complement of grand-names already, and since the shoe apparently fits, I imagine history will repeat itself. But I'll share the idea --NOT that I plan to use it for a LONG TIME!

MichaelPolutta said...

I say let the grandchild decide what to call you.

Lauren, in trying to say 'grandmom', came up with 'MomMom' instead, and it kinda stuck. MomMom liked it because it was somewhat unique AND especially because Lauren came up with it. Sort of a first grandchild privilege.

~Stephanie said...

Yes, Michael, but I also fear that is where "Butter Butt" and "Granny Grunt" came from as well! :o)

Too risky.

Though I did dream some time back that the baby tried to call me "Stephie" but couldn't pronounce it and it came out "Effie" . . . which I don't hate.