June 19, 2011

who, me?

When I started blogging four years ago, I didn’t think twice about the title. “Who, me?” - mischief and ignorance and identity crisis all rolled into two well-punctuated words.

See, I don’t know where I'm going. At 16 that’s not such a problem - so much time and so many opportunities. At 28 it’s time to get serious, but sometimes it takes awhile to “find yourself” and your direction. At 47, well . . . “Who, Me?” just means I'm wandering. And frankly, I've been in the forest without breadcrumbs for far too long.

Since I was 22, I’ve been ‘Mom’. It was not a role I planned or even wanted, but once I realized it was fact, I threw myself into it 100%. Natural childbirth, parenting books, Mothering magazine, 24/7 MOM. I BECAME Mom, and I loved every second of it. Every step I took was intentional. But now, my baby girl has her own baby girl, and my baby boy turned 18 and is preparing to leave for college in 57 days (yes, he is counting), and I find . . . I don’t know which direction to turn.

Part of this identity crisis is that for 25 years, I have read Where the Wild Things Are and biology textbooks and Little House on the Prairie and How to Talk to Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk (note to parents: still one of THE best parenting books ever written.). And I have taught classes and chaperoned field trips and hosted teen events and run children's programs and homeschooled. I have chauffered my kids to baseball and gymnastics and scouts and play practice and choir. I have spent a year of my life being chauffered BY my kids as they each learned how to drive. I have rewatched every movie I have ever loved, reread every book I have ever loved, retold every story that was important to me, so my kids would have an appreciation for the things I love.

Now it’s over, and I have no regrets with them. Okay, I have a FEW regrets - the Beanie Baby craze being at the top of that list, followed closely by the one time I yelled at Kevin in 1998. But I have mothered them well.

However, my job is being phased out. I am being “let go”.

It’s time to find out where to go from here.

Can somebody tell me where to buy a Life GPS?


mnpolutta said...

When you find one, let me know. I'm facing the same thing in a few years...and I don't like it one bit. I've already started trying to figure out what I will be when my kids move on, but I'm trusting that the Lord has a plan for my. I know He has one for you, too. Love ya!

Anonymous said...

There's no rule that says you have to stop anything but the homeschooling (it would be weird to homeschool someone else's child). And you will always be MOM, especially when the crises hit! Take your time. Take a vocational aptitude test. Take a hike, for that matter! I know God will lead you to an even better ministry, just perhaps not the day Kevin goes to college. Hugs,

Kathy Sue

NinjaPrincess said...

I've been thinking about this post a lot the past few weeks. I don't have any advice to offer (for obvious reasons), but if you come up with any insights, I'd love to hear them!

I've seen some close family members retire recently, and some of them are taking it better than others. When I "retire" from mothering on a daily basis, I don't want to be depressed & bored like my father-in-law. Maybe I should start cultivating some hobbies...

~Stephanie said...

Part of the issue is not really having any "hobbies". I haven't had the time for myself for 25 years. But there is so much more to it than just "needing something interesting to do" . . .