January 03, 2011

don't think about the morrow . . . it's always a day away

My maiden name being "Morrow", my granddaddy used to quote this King James verse from Matthew 6 as a way to playfully tell my boyfriend to stop thinking about me so much: "Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself." And though it became a running joke with the three of us, I don't think he quite hit at the heart of the meaning: "I tell you, don't worry about your life. Can you add even one hour to your life by worrying? . . . Your Father knows every little thing you need, so put Him first, and don't worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Fine. Worry has never been a part of who I am anyway. When I was younger, I never dreamed life would not be all sunshine and roses. (What a blessing to have grown up in a family where I could feel that way.) As I got older, I trusted that my life, my relationships, my decisions - good and bad - were always in God's hands. But this last year, after He put me on my face, I became a worrier. Not about everything, but this nagging voice in my head keeps whispering, "What if God doesn't answer your prayers? What if the things you think you need aren't in His plan? What if you never feel happy EVER again?" Those of you who know me, KNOW I'm not a pessimist or a "poor pitiful me" kinda gal, and I know my life is not supposed to be about what makes ME happy, but let me tell you, when you are facedown on the floor, it's hard to keep that in perspective.

So, that's part of my goal for this year. Try to let it go. Stop listening to the scared little voice in my head. Leave it in His hands.

Oh, and just for the record, I have NO IDEA HOW I'm going to do this. I'm open to advice.

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