July 10, 2011

PipeBusters on the Reality Channel

3:00 ET, 2:00 CST

On the pilot episode of PipeBusters, we find Stephanie rising early and making her way to the kitchen. She hears a noise. An odd noise. An ominous sound. An ominous hissing sound. (cue hissing noise) She lurks around quietly, trying to discern the location and cause. Snake? If so, Stephanie and her family could be in danger. Grave danger. Freon leak? If so, Stephanie and her mangoes could be in danger. Grave danger. Just then, in another room of the house, Kevin starts the water for his shower. Instantly, the threatening hissing noise is silenced. Almost simultaneously, Stephanie's phone beeps. A text. Who could it be from? WHO??? (cue suspenseful music)


The synchronized stoppage of the strange hissing sound in sync with her son's shower and the incoming text is an awfully big coincidence. (Of course, everyone knows, there are no big coincidences or small coincidences, only coincidences.) Still, she grabs her glowing purple cell, eager to discover who, WHO, has texted at this wee hour of 6:45 a.m.??? It's the cowboy, who left for work just after discovering the hissing noise. Text: Wrench on garage freezer. Turn water off at meter. Leak under house.

There is a leak under the house. A leak. A water leak. Under the house. What to do? WHAT TO DO? (cue William-Shatner-deliberate-pause reading style). The cowboy says turn it off. TURN. IT. OFF. But Kevin is in the shower, preparing to leave for camp in 42 minutes (cue ticking clock sound). Camp! In forty-two minutes! This could be the last decent shower he has for days! And Stephanie has yet to bathe. And it is imperative that she leave for work in 3 hours. Three hours! Not to mention vital laundry to finish - whites AND darks. And teeth to be brushed - 56 between the two of them, as Stephanie's wisdom teeth have been removed and Kevin's have yet to make an appearance. They need the water. NEED the water. (cue suspenseful music, pt.2)


There is a water leak under the house. A potentially disastrous water leak. The water must be turned off, and fast before the crawl space becomes an ocean (cue John Williams' brilliant music from "Jaws"). Yet Stephanie and Kevin need the water to finish getting ready. Stephanie urges Kevin to shower quickly, "Rinse and go, boy, RINSE. AND. GO!" Once out of the shower, Stephanie begins a load of laundry, doing the unthinkable: mixing essential colors with whites in the same load. Now the cowboy's tighty whiteys are in danger of turning pink. PINK. (cue "Get the Party Started") There is not a single western shirt in his closet that goes with pink underpants. Not one. If this happens, he will not be happy. Not be happy at all. But drastic times call for drastic measures. Now Stephanie brushes her teeth while the washer fills, then runs her own bath. Kevin brushes HIS teeth, fills 2 pitchers, and the laundry finishes spinning only moments after Stephanie's legs are shaved, and DONE! And in record time - only 28 minutes from text to wrench twist and the water is OFF!


Stephanie and Kevin are ready in record time, and the water is off, stopping both the leak and the hissing sound (which, of course, are one and the same, but still). Two half-gallon pitchers of water have been filled, giving them enough clean drinking water for 24 hours. Twenty-four hours. Only one day. After that, who knows? What will happen to them? Will they call a plumber? Will they make it a do-it-yourself project? Will they die from dehydration?

Tune in next time for episode 2 of PipeBusters on the Reality Channel.


janjanmom said...

A new reality show...goody!!

Sara said...

You are cracking me up. I can't take the suspense.