Top 10 Reasons I am a Bad Mother:
10) General response to my own children’s pain and suffering:
“Suck it up, weenie.” If there are no broken bones or blood you aren’t really hurt. (Now, in all fairness to me, I don’t treat anyone else this way, just my kids.)
9) I used to save $12 a month by making Kevin stand in the bathtub in his underwear so I could give him a “my mom cut my hair” haircut. (I'm sure he'll be thrilled I shared that information.)
8) I post embarrassing pictures and blog about embarrassing things my kids do (reference #9). Their humiliation is your entertainment.
7) I used to occasionally send my kids to their room as discipline. “No toys. No music. Just sit on your bed and think about what you’ve done.” Then I would forget about them. Literally. Sometimes a couple of hours would pass and I’d hear this small little “Whoville” voice from the back of the house, “m. . . o. . . m?” Of course, I always played it off as if I’d meant to leave them there. Can’t have my children thinking I’d made a mistake.
6) The words “Me and my friends” will never be uttered from their mouths without some form of chastisement - according to Kevin, I am the Grammar Nazi.
5) My kids are required to make their bed. Every day. I rarely make my bed. Yes, I know. Hypocrite. And up until now you thought I was perfect?
4) When my kids play video/computer games I go behind them and play obsessively until I beat their high scores. Even if it’s a game I don’t like to play. (Ever wonder why my kids are so obnoxiously competitive?)
3) No wire hangers! (Just kidding.) But no play-doh in the house. Ever.
2) When they became “big kids” (around 13), I would try to make them hold my hand when we would go to public places like Wal-Mart. (Which, I might add, they NEVER did.) When they refused to hold my hand, I would sing. Loudly.
. . . and the #1 reason I'm a bad mother:
1) My kids are twitchy. When people move toward them, they flinch like abused puppies ducking a rolled-up newspaper. I’m not sure what this means, but it can’t be good.