to blog or not to blog, that is the question

Murder, Ghosts, Incest, Skeletons, Suicide, Insanity . . .
What more could you ask of a tragedy? We have begun Hamlet in my high school literature class. It is my favorite of all of Shakespeare's works. I love going over lines of it, stopping now and again to ask one of the kids to interpret. It's fun to watch them think out the language and retell the story in their words.

In this same class, we recently completed The Old Man and the Sea, a story I have somehow missed over the years. I was pleasantly surprised how much I enjoyed it, despite its less-than-happy ending. What excited me the most from this story was a rewrite one of my 8th graders did, telling the story from the vantage point of the marlin. With phrases like, "I notice how effortlessly the water envelops me." and "I prefer the shadows the deeper water offers me." and ". . . (a human) could not last even a tide's turn in this vast ocean without yielding to its own defeat." This paper followed the sophomore boys' papers which read like instructions: "Then the fish swam up to eat. Then the fish ate. Then the fish was hooked. Then the fish tried to swim away." Then I wanted to eat my own red grading pen just for something interesting to do. Creativity, thy name is woman!


Superheroes, Word Addictions, and more Insanity
Last night, Kacey began one of her texting novellas during which she chastised me for not blogging. I think her actualy phrase was, "OH MY GOODNESS WOULD YOU FREAKING BLOG???"

To which I replied "yes" if she would give me a topic. She suggested Winterfest, or How Much I Miss My Daughter, or The Significance of Anniversaries. I decided to blog about the following:

"Overcoming Addictions to Facebook Word Games: A 12-Letter Program."

STEP ONE: I admit I am powerless over word games

STEP TWO: I have made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. Oooh, "searching" and "fearless" are 40-point words! Yea me!

It's true. I'm totally addicted. It's like Boggle, but honeycomb style. And I don't have to bribe people to play with me! Five-minute rounds, every time you make a word the letters fall out, and new ones fall down. Love it. Words. Speed. High Scores. I am such a nerd.


Reduplicative Not-so-super Heroes
Then Kacey suggested we could come up with more stupid superheroes just for fun.

She began with "Cheese Louise" the Cheese Whiz Queen against the Crackers of the World".

I continued with the following:

Super Duper - He tricks bad guys
Itsy Bitsy - She is tiny, but has a mean bite!
Hubba Bubba - the redneck Romeo
Teeny Weeny - Underdog's miniature Dachshund cousin
Hum Drum - the one man band
Big Whig - A giant Founding Father
Roly Poly - the Eastern European Gymnast
Scrub a Dub Dub - The Japanese doctor who also does voice-over work
Chrome Dome - Headbutts bad guys with his shiny silver bald head

There was one more, but it was morally questionable in nature, and since I had to explain it to my daughter, and also since I had already completed my "searching and fearless moral inventory" according to STEP TWO, it is probably better left unwritten. :o)


Boys will be Boys
Oh, and speaking earlier of Winterfest: A quote heard from one of our sophomore boys to his mom as he was leaving the hotel and running down the outside steps, "Don't worry Mom, I've got my pants with me!" I will leave the mental picture to your imagination.


To blog or not to blog . . . not to blog might have been the better choice.

more thumbs up . . .

When they aren't quite so chatty, I am really enjoying teaching the Middle School class on Wednesday nights. Even when they are chatty, I'm still enjoying preparing for the class! I blogged a few weeks ago in "three thumbs up" about the first few lessons. Since those first three, we have covered the following:


"Children Who Shine"
Focusing on Philippians 2 and how Jesus took the very nature of a servant, finishing with "do all things without grumbling and complaining . . . so you shine like stars in the universe. We watched a clip of Westley, the servant boy, and Buttercup from "The Princess Bride", where she realizes that his humble service to her was his way of saying "I Love You".

"Aliens and Strangers"
Using the story of Joseph and how his brothers sold him into slavery in another country, how he kept himself pure, how God lifted him as an alien and stranger to 2nd in command and saved two nations of people as a result. They watched a clip from "Men in Black" (I think the one where they are standing outside the pawn shop and he is looking at what appears to be "normal" people on the street, but you begin to see aliens all around.)

"Faithful Children"
Using a clip from "Signs" where the two brothers are sitting on the couch talking about there being two kinds of people in the world: 1) those who believe we are all alone here and 2) those who believe there is Someone looking out for us, we talked about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and the difference between just believing something and having real faith. This was one of my favorites.

"Living Example"
We followed last week's Boys in the Fiery Furnace with their friend, Daniel and his commitment to doing the right thing. Always. Even when he didn't know he was being watched. We used a clip from "The Truman Show" when Jim Carrey is driving around town and begins to suspect he is being watched.

"Made in His Image"
Prejudice. Judging. Thinking we are better than others. I have some fun optical illusions to illustrate that things aren't always as they appear. I'm also going to show a couple of the more appropriate Ameriquest Mortgage Company commercials - they are hysterical! Their slogan is "Don't judge too quickly - we won't." The movie clip for tonight is from the end of "Volcano" where the officer is helping the little boy find his mom. He asks the boy what she looks like, and as the little boy is looking around at all the ash-covered faces he says "we all look the same".

"Surrendered Life"
Next week is my last class for this quarter. Going to talk about "Surrender" using a clip from "Bruce Almighty" and the ultimate story of surrender: Jesus.

I plan to teach again next Winter Quarter and continue . . . this is much more fun than it should be!

fortress of solitute

The ice storm has thrown everything out of whack. Although, if things were still "in whack" I'm not sure I'd know what that meant. . .

Clean up is underway. If you can imagine the amount of water in New Orleans after Katrina and then imagine that the water is, say instead, fallen trees and tree limbs, then you begin to get a picture of what things look like around here. It's like Superman's Fortress of Solitute - only contstructed of branches and sticks and limbs and twigs. Crazy.

This is day 15 with no power for many of our friends and neighbors, and though we were fortunate enough to regain our electricity on day 6, we are still sympathetic to those with broken power lines and electrical poles who are maintaining with generators or bunking with friends and family.

On a different note, the pathology report on Tony's tumor marks it as an astrocytoma. He sees the oncologist tomorrow to determine a treatment course.

On another different note, the driving is going well for Boy-Junior. Though my "in transit" conversation as the driving instructor consists mainly of the following sarcastic or panic-stricken phrases:
"Blinker? Sometime today?"
"A left turn does not mean you turn into the left lane, sweetheart."
"I like to put the car in reverse before I try to back up. I just think it works better."
"Stop. Stop. STOP!"
And,
"Move over. Over. Other way! Mommy does not want to sleep in the ditch, thank you very much."

On yet another different note, Sara's phone is dead. I miss her. I mean, I see her almost every day, but it's not the same. Stupid Blackberry Pearl.

On still yet another different note, my daughter will not come home to see me. She texts and says, "Mommy, I meeeeeeeeess you!" She lies.

And speaking of Fortress of Solitute, I am remodeling my office. This month marks my 5th year living in this room, er, I mean, working here, so it was time for new furniture, new paint, new attitude. Could not have picked a busier time to do this, so between work, homeschool co-op, ice storm insanity and driving lessons, I am painting and putting together office furniture. In the meantime, all my books, cds, reams of paper, wall decor, etc. are sitting in the church hallway waiting to be tripped over. The walls in my newly-made-over office are Granny-Apple-Guacamole-Green. Sounds gross, but trust me on this . . . it's going to look GREAT if and when I figure out how to make all the new furniture fit just right.

Now, this is not to imply that my office is a Fortress of Solitute. Far from it. It tends to be the gathering place for all who are within walking distance. I love that about my office, so the challenge has been to find appropriate furniture. I knew from the start that a table for us to socialize around, meet around, work around, even have Bible class around, was a must. As a church that has outgrown its facilities, my office has been used for a classroom at least 5 different quarters that I remember.

I also knew that the loveseat would have to be comfy. Really comfy. So after MUCH shopping, online and off, I finally found a loveseat that is both washable AND has low padded arms that make it very sleepable. Not as in "sofa bed" sleepable, but as in 'Tommy stops by on Thursdays and props his feet up' sleepable . . . as in 'Kevin is a growing boy and needs a nap today' sleepable . . . as in 'I just chaperoned a lock in and I don't have the energy to drive home' sleepable . . . you get the idea. I guess in that sense my office can be a Fortress of Solitute, or Sleepitude.

Either way, I'll post pictures when it's all put together.

i'm not dead yet (read with british accent)

Kevin got his permit today. On my dad's birthday! (Happy, Happy, Dad!) It's almost 3 weeks past due because of our trip to Fayetteville for Tony's surgery, and the world's worst ice storm EVER. However, he took it today and scored a 95 - missed only 2 out of 40. So, we left the Circuit Court Building, a smile on his face and a shiny warm permit in his duct-tape wallet, and he took the driver's seat.

And then I yelled. For maybe the first time since . . . well, since the last time I yelled. Which was a long time ago. Seriously. Like 1998.

Did Kacey just have better beginner's instincts, or was I just MUCH more patient 6 1/2 years ago? I'm guessing the latter.

And though he got off to a rocky start (apologies to the lady in the white van who honked at us because we gave her whiplash), by the time we made it home (3 furniture store stops, and 2 near-death experiences later) he was starting to get a feel for it. He said it was the longest 20 minutes of his life. HIS life?

He has no idea.

good sex

Got your attention, huh?

One New Table
I am getting new office furniture! Picked up my table from Pier 1 yesterday and assembled it today . . . it is BIGGER than I envisioned, but I LOVE it, so I will make it work even if I have to rearrange and give up my coveted corner desk spot.

Two New Horses
The cowboy is getting two, yes TWO, more mustangs tomorrow, this time for the Extreme Mustang Makeover in Ocala, Florida in April. This will be the first of two EMM competitions this year. Here's to biting off more than you can chew!

Three-Letter Word
There was a catalog on my desk today. The book on the catalog cover was entitled, "Good Sex". I told Kevin I was going to blog about "having good sex on my desk". He, for some strange reason, was not in favor of the idea . . .

Four-Headed Monster
So we had the 16th Birthday sleepover last Friday night, which consisted of 10 straight hours of video games, junk food, and caffeine, only to be briefly interrupted by something the boys called "FreezeOut". At the near-tropical temperature of 7 degrees, the boys stripped down to their boxers and ran outside. WHY? Because they could. Or because they are idiots. Or both. John Mark's dad said I should have locked them out and hosed them down . . . (See Kevin, I'm not the WORST parent!)

prayer request

On Kacey's 2nd birthday, I was blessed and privileged to hold my best friend Sherri's hand and breathe with her as she and her sweet husband, Neal, welcomed their first child into the world. They named him Tony. It was my first "doula" experience long before I ever knew what a doula was.

Over the years, Tony and his sister, Randi, have been like cousins to my kids. We love them like family. Neal & Sherri are those rare friends you can just pick up with where you left off no matter how long it has been.

We found out today, on Kevin's 16th birthday, that Tony has a brain tumor the size of an egg. Apparently this has happened quickly, with headaches, followed by numbness in his arm and face, followed by tests . . . and now he is having surgery on Tuesday. Though Neal & Sherri still live in Alaska, Tony is in Arkansas where he is in college. We are headed that direction in the morning, once again so I can hold Sherri's hand and breathe with her.

Please pray for Tony. Kevin chatted with him a bit tonight, and Tony seems to be in good spirits with full assurance that he is in God's hands.

Thanks to you all . . . I will keep you posted.

http://www.tonycollinsstatus.blogspot.com/

the four-headed monster

It's that time again. Pre-birthday sleepover, minus the sleep. Which means 18 hours of pizza, caffeine, swedish fish and video games for four almost-16-year-old boys, while I sequester myself in the bedroom.

Last year, Mike showed up and "kidnapped" the boys and took them for cheese fries and Klondike bars.

This year maybe somebody will show up and kidnap me. :o)

Prolly not.

Good thing I have that cursed cable.

5 hard questions from Janice

Okay, so I gave Janice the “go ahead” to ask me some interview questions, hoping for some fluffy, fun questions. Apparently, I forgot who I asked, ‘cause these are HARD!

1. You are in a unique position to see the good and bad side of Christians in our church. What is your biggest encouragement?
Truly, my biggest encouragement is watching people change, myself included. I love the shift our church family as a whole continues to make from being all about “having it right” to being more about “having God’s heart”. I love that we continue to focus on getting outside our walls and into people’s lives - into our community - granted, it’s a slow process, but at least we are not stagnant.

2. Other side of the coin, what has been your biggest disappointment?
Selfishness. People who aren’t givers - of themselves, of their time, of their way, of their money. People filled with excuses as to why they “can’t”. That, and the fact that my chromosomes don’t allow me to be seen in the way I would like to be seen sometimes.

3. What is your absolute best marriage tip?
Learn to accept the fact that it is not his job to make you happy - joy comes from God alone. Your job is to just be who God calls you to be, to love unselfishly, and to use every day to become a better person. Happiness is never a goal . . . just a hopeful, occasional by-product.

4. Did you/Do you EVER have days when your kids drove/drive you nuts? (Please don't say no.) What did you do?
No, my children are perfect. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

YES! They drive/drove/have driven me nuts and, Lord-willing, will continue to drive me nuts for many years to come! What do I do? Listen. Ask questions. Don't overreact. There's a reason they are driving me nuts, I just have to figure it out. Maybe they are tired. Or frustrated. Or feeling they are being treated unfairly. Or . . . you name it. There's almost nothing in ANY relationship that can't be worked out with a little good communication, which starts with good listening.

Now, if there was direct defiance/disobedience/or sheer laziness, that's a different ballgame. The way I figure it, my kids are entitled to water and oxygen. Past that, the rest is gravy. I never "warn them" ahead of time that I will discipline, and I "almost" never yell (I yelled once in 1998 and my kids have NEVER let me live it down, they love to tell that story on mom . . . ), but once bad behavior rears its ugly little head, privileges start disappearing quickly. And I am doggone consistent. If I say no computer for a week, baby it will be 168 full hours, and not one second less. And if there is whining about the discipline, it instantly gets doubled.

Of course, since my kids really are perfect, all of the above is merely untested theory . . .

5. What is the best advice you can give about a grandiose wedding? I am looking for the best things and the things best left out.
Kacey & Nathan’s was not all about bigger and better, but it was all about unique and personal. Best things - the ceremony, the location, the details, the people involved should all be very special to your families. Things most worth spending money on: photography and food. Things best left out - stress. So totally not worth it. My best advice is to start early, delegate as much as possible, and pay people to clean up when it’s all over ‘cause by then you are EXHAUSTED!

current-cy

Current Book:

*Saving Fish from Drowning (Amy Tan) I picked this one up at the used bookstore . . .

the first line was “It was not my fault”. I knew I had to read it.

Current Play List:

A little Jason Mraz. Mm Hmm.

Current Drink:

Water. Which I hate. Why couldn’t water be fizzy and taste like Coke?

Current Food:

Last night I made baked spaghetti, but I also just bought a bazillion “100 calorie snack packs” which, if you eat 5 or 6 at once, probably defeats the purpose.

Current Wish List:

Hmmm . . . SNOW! :o)

Current Need:

A new tube of progesterone cream. When I said something about almost being out, Kevin looked me in the face and VERY SERIOUSLY said, “You are not allowed to run out. You must buy more before this one is empty.”

I think he is enjoying having his non-crying mother back.

Current Triumph:

I am taking lessons on “how to get things done” from my bestie. On Monday I got the garage door fixed (it has been broken for 8 months), activated my debit card (which I have had since LAST February), made an appointment to get my cat fixed, listed some items for sale on eBay, ordered Kevin’s birthday gift, did all my lesson plans for both co-op and Wednesday night class, and called the gas company to come actually READ the meter rather than estimating it at $60 higher than I know it should be. Yea, me!

Current Bane of my Existence:

Cable. It is evil. And I love it. It makes me stay up too late, and keeps me in bed too long in the mornings. Cursed HGTV.

Current Indulgence:

I’m having my eyebrows waxed this afternoon. Indulgence!

Current #1 Blessing:

My amazing children. Could NOT love them more.

Current Slang or Saying:

"I’m just sayin’”

Current Outfit:

Today I am wearing this new suede jacket, which is totally NOT something I would have bought because of the price, except the sales lady was so eager to make a sale that she threw this $20 off coupon at me and then picked up this jacket and said, “It’s 70% off you know.” No, I didn't know! Okay, I’m no rocket scientist, but 70% off less 20 more dollars is like . . . well, let’s just say, in the end, I think she gave me cash back just to take it. So really, it was like I had no choice. Sort of like rescuing hungry kittens who need a good home. But since it is leather, I guess the whole "a cow had to die for this jacket" thing might negate the saving kittens analogy.

Current Excitement:

Having a new doula client . . . even though the birth is not for 4 more months, it is definitely something I can get excited about!

Current Mood:

Goofy happy!

Current Picture(s):

with glasses . . . without glasses. I'm like Superman - you can hardly tell it's the same person!

three thumbs up

I started teaching the Middle School class on Wednesday nights, and so far I am having a great time. Our topic for this quarter is “Identity in Christ”, and because I am such a movie buff, we are approaching this subject through that venue.

Week One was “Created for Community”. I showed the clip from “I Am Legend” where Will Smith is so lonely that he tries desperately to get the mannequin in the video store to talk to him. Sounds funny, but it’s not. From there we read about God’s creation, Adam/Eve, and ended with a great discussion about how much we need each other and the importance of bonding and being accepting as a youth group.

Week Two was “Citizen of Heaven”. That week we watched a clip from “The Terminal”. The clip was close to the beginning when the JFK international terminal administrator tries to explain to Tom Hanks that he is not allowed to enter the United States, nor can he go home because his country has been overturned. He is, quite literally, a citizen of nowhere. We then read about the Israelites wandering in the desert for 40 years, and God’s not allowing them to enter the Promised Land because of their lack of trust. We ended that night with a nice little talk about how being a citizen of heaven is not just something we hope for when we die, but something we experience and live out here on a daily basis.

Week Three was from “Hook”. Dustin Hoffman’s character, Captain Hook, hates Peter Pan so much he wants to kill him. Then he decides something even worse. What would hurt Peter Pan more than death? Turn his children against him. Captain Hook tells the children that their father (Peter Pan) doesn’t really love them. He points out to Jack (the son) that his father loves Maggie (the daughter) more, and gives examples of why. It was such a PERFECT clip to demonstrate how Satan tries to deceive us. We read the passage from John 8 where Jesus calls Satan the “father of all lies”. I asked a bunch of questions: “Does Captain Hook love the children? (no) Why does he want the children to love him? (the hurt their father) What does Maggie call Captain Hook? (a liar) How does Captain Hook try to divide the children? (by telling them their father loves one of them more than the other)”. Then I had them parallel those questions with their own about how Satan does the same thing with us . . . especially how he tries to make us believe that God blesses others in ways that seem unfair to us.

I hope this class is half as much fun for them as it is for me! Now, if I can just get them to bring their Bibles to class . . .

lost and found . . . our weekend parable

"There was a man (for purposes of this parable, he is the cowboy) who went riding with two of his horses, Sally and Dixie. The latter got spooked by a slipped saddle and set off aimlessly for a distant riding trail, dragging her saddle, bridle, reigns and all the rest of her fair share of the inheritance with her. She soon succumbed to wild living in a strange land.

Immediately the cowboy begged for her to return. He called her name many times. He, riding on the back of the obedient horse Sally, began to search. They, and other loving people, searched diligently into the night, but to no avail.

Again, the following morning, the cowboy and the obedient horse were out before first light searching high and low for her. They searched well into the night again on the second day.

On the third day, the cowboy once again set out. This time on foot to give the obedient child, er, horse, a break. But the cowboy took no break. He walked till his feet hurt. He went without meals. He climbed every mountain and forged every stream. (Hey, that would make a great song for a musical . . . ) But, alas, Dixie would not be coming home with him.

By the fourth day, the cowboy was losing hope. He was desperate, but still determined.

"But while she was still a long way off, the cowboy got a phone call and was filled with compassion for her; he ran to his home, hitched up the horse trailer and drove off to where she was. (And though it has yet to happen for a couple more hours, when he sees her he will undoubtedly throw his arms around her and kiss her with the same mouth he kisses me. . .)

“And the cowboy will say to his friends and family, 'Quick! Bring the best saddle pad and put it on her. Put some corn in a bucket and bring a brush for her coat. Break open a new bale of hay! Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this Mustang of mine was lost but is now found.' So they will celebrate and there will be great rejoicing in their household and the households of horse-people everywhere.”

. . . for those of you not following my little parable, the cowboy and some friends went riding on Saturday and Dixie has been missing for 100+ hours in LBL. This afternoon she has been found some 20 miles from where she was last seen! And though I am NOT, repeat, am NOT, a horse-person, it has given me a renewed compassion for things which are lost that need to be found . . .

Luke 15:3-7 "Suppose one of you had a hundred sheep and lost one. Wouldn't you leave the 99 and go after the lost one until you found it? When found, you can be sure you would put it across your shoulders, rejoicing, and when you got home call in your friends and neighbors, saying, 'Celebrate with me! I've found my lost sheep!' Count on it—there's more joy in heaven over one sinner's rescued life than over 99 good people in no need of rescue."

Thanks to all of you who worried, who took flyers to post, who made phone calls to friends, and especially to Philip and Beth who spent hours of their own time searching for the lost sheep, er, horse. You guys are the best!

2008 in pictures

Spiritual Goal: Eph. 4:29
New cell phone
Wedding dress shopping
Kevin's biology class
Kevin's drum/guitar lessons
Ice Storm sleepovers
Topaz dogsitting
Winterfest
Lent commitments
Blogging
Sushi, sushi, sushi
BPA-free water bottles
Christ Formed artwork
Follies office previews :o)
Coffee
Quest for glassware
Engagement pictures
Saba passport saga
Stomp
"Green Ball"
Favorite Song: Sara Bareilles - Love Song
Favorite Movies: Dark Knight & 7 Pounds
Most listened to cd's: Jack Johnson & John Mayer
Most talked-about book: The Shack
Kevin & Mike wresting matches
Kacey's college graduation
Lindsay's high school graduation
Palmetto Bible Camp
The ongoing Superman vs. Batman debate
The beginning of the Darling building
Camp Barnabas
Jewelry & shoe-shopping with Sara
Our new kitten, still unnamed
Superhero Mystery Party
Back to School Olympics
08/08/08 WEDDING!
Sonic Happy Hour blackberry tea
2008/2009 Co-op
Fort Worth Mustang Makeover
Kevin's automotive narcolepsy
Nathan & Kacey to Indianapolis
Weekend getaway to Natural Bridge
Sanity-saving progesterone :o)
Happy Birthday to me!
Six-word stories
Celebration
Zoe Conference
Emily's Countdown Calendar Weekend

Obviously this isn't all-encompasing, but it was fun to put together a "year in review" photo collage!

SHOOPerman and chew toys

Corban is staying with us for a few days! He is the kid who peed on Mike last year, so that automatically makes him one of my favorite little guys! (haha) Corban is 2-and-a-half and such a sweetie! He fell asleep last night snuggled up in my lap, and it was all I could do to make myself hand him over to Kevin (they are sharing a bed this weekend!)

Corban discovered a Superman/Batman lunchbox ornament on my Christmas tree and immediately went to his bag to show me his Superman/Batman action figures he brought with him. He was so excited! I keep asking him who his favorite is just so I can hear him say, enthusiastically, "SHOOP-erman!!!"

My favorite moment of today was when Corban called out, "Will you help me wif my shocks, Keviepoo?" YES! I love that they repeat everything they hear! Kevin, however, growled at me. Apparently, "Keviepoo" just doesn't work for my almost 16-year-old.

Speaking of Keviepoo and being almost 16: He is counting down the days to his driver's permit. He is also counting the four wisdom teeth that are working their way in. He has also been a bit under the weather lately. Not exactly sick, just lethargic with a runny nose for about 2 weeks now.

Wait a minute.

Lethargic. Runny Nose. Wisdom Teeth.

MY TEENAGE SON IS TEETHING!!!! HAHAHAHAHA That explains so much!!!

When I told him rubbing a bit of whiskey onto his gums would help numb the discomfort, he smiled a devious little smile.

Think I'll buy him a chew toy instead.

christmeme

1. Favorite Holiday Memory - Kevin licking the candy canes off the Chritmas tree
2. Favorite Holiday Song - “O Holy Night” Fall on your knees gives me cold chills every single time I hear it. Although Harry Connick Jr.’s “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town” works for me too. :o)
**Last year I had fun with my Charlie Brown Christmas cd that Kacey bought me.
**This year I have Mikey’s “Candlelight Processional Disney Massed Choir” cd that he recorded when he was in high school and that his mom brought from Florida so I could enjoy.
3. Favorite Holiday Cartoon - How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the animated version!)
4. Favorite Holiday Movie - Die Hard! But I’m also a sucker for “It’s a Wonderful Life”.
5. Wrapping Paper or Gift bags? Both. I like wrapping paper better, and I LOVE big bows, but I hate to wrap, so gift bags or gift boxes would be more honest.
6. Real tree or artificial? Fake, baby! The last time we cut a real tree, some critter hatched out after we brought it home and we were bug-infested the entire season. Ick!
7. When do you put up the tree? Thanksgiving weekend. Always.
8. More importantly, when do you take down the tree? New Year’s Day. I’m firm on this one. When the season is over, doggone it, turn off your giant inflatable penguins and take down the garland. I will give you about a one-week grace period on this one, and then I will be yelling at your house from my car, “CHRISTMAS IS OVER!!!! TURN OFF THE LIGHTS!!!”
9. Favorite Gift received as a child? Hmmmm . . . the funniest one was a GIGANTIC can of ravioli my parents thought would be funny. It was. The most creative was from my boyfriend we'll call "Tim": He did a “12 days of Christmas” thing that included a lot of sweet and fun things like cars and fur coats and flowers and a diamond necklace. I’ll have to blog about that sometime . . .
10. Hardest person to buy for? Dad. What do you get dad? I never do know.
11. Easiest person to buy for? Kacey or mom. They both like what I like!
12. Christmas cards? Nope. Sorry, just don’t do them, but I’m happy to open yours as long as you don't include one of those "this is how wonderful my family is" newsletters!
13. Nativity Scene? Nope again. But then, I don’t even have family pictures displayed in my house, so this is not a big surprise. Jesus is in my heart, but not on top of my entertainment center. Sue me.
14. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Christmas Sushi! HaHa. Okay, grandmama’s oyster dressing. Yum!
15. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer? Yeah, Grumpy, Sleepy, Dopey . . .
16. Angel on top of the tree? Sparkly sticks and twigs and berrys and spirally things that stick out everywhere. Love it. When the kids were little we usually topped the tree with a Santa hat.
17. Open presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning? One present only on Christmas eve, the rest on Christmas morning, except now that the daughter-face is married and not coming home. Christmas will be weird and a week early, and on Christmas we will sit and stare at one another and sigh deeply while feeling sorry for ourselves. But at least we have cable this year, so we can watch "Paris Hilton's My New BFF" on MTV while we feel sorry for ourselves. (Yes, I'm kidding. MTV is blocked in my house for those of you who don't recognize the sarcasm.)
18. Best part of the holidays? Playing games. Especially ones that I win. Like Boggle.
19. Worst part of the holidays? Missing people who should be sharing the holiday with me. That, and putting away the Christmas decorations and getting used to seeing the house look “naked” again.
20. Weirdest Christmas memory? Asking for a doll that looked like me, and getting a Raggedy Ann doll. Not a great self-esteem booster, though now that I see her again . . . round face, pale skin, thick ankles, unruly red hair . . .
21. Colored lights or white? White, LOTS OF THEM, but NO BLINKING!
22. Ever been Christmas caroling? Yes, but it's been a LONG while! Mostly I just Christmas Carol to myself in the car . . .
23. Ever been ice skating? Once, in Alaska, while pushing Kacey in a stroller. Cold, but FUN!
24. Candy Canes or Gingerbread? Gingerbread, but star-shaped sugar cookies with colored sugar sprinkles are even better!
25. Christmas quirk? When the kids were little, I wouldn't let them see the presents under the tree or open their stockings until everybody was awake and their hair was brushed. (It's a photographer thing. Or a control-freak thing. Who, me?) :o)

my six word only blog update

Christmas shopping. No time for blogging.

Don't know what to get grandmama.

Kevin in Indy all week. Quiet.

Snow on the ground. Me happy.

Getting cable today. No longer Amish.

Kacey coming home. Uber holiday excitement!

Lindsay and Parker coming too. Yeah!

Really looking forward to NYEEE Sushi!

Saw '88 Minutes' with Pacino. Ehh.

Kids Christmas program at church tonight.

blog written. comments left. world unchanged.

Apparently Ernest Hemingway was once challenged to compose a complete story in six words. His answer, personally felt to be his best prose ever, was
"For sale: baby shoes, never used."

I took on this challenge a few nights ago at Mike’s request (he had some really good ones he was entering in a contest)
and so I came up with a few of my own:

“Love letter remains sealed. Died alone.”
“Two enemies. One weapon. No survivors.”
“Husband missing. Garden flourishing. Mystery solved.”

I enjoyed my quirkier ones, though not quite stories:
“Freaky carnival girl: my ‘fair’ lady”
and
“Sick of the airport - terminally ill”

Did this for a few hours. Began thinking in six word phrases.
“Getting really sleepy. Time for bed.”
“Your mom called. Please call back.”
“Laundry is done. Will you fold?”
“What’s for dinner? Whatever YOU fix!”

You get the idea.

Then Kacey and I turned it into a game that we played by text.
“Name that movie in six words.”

“Wish granted. Mother, daughter trade lives.” (Freaky Friday)
“Silly actors wear big Mexican hats.” (Three Amigos)
“Theme park dinosaurs escape. Eat tourists.” (Jurassic Park)
“Sleepy writer. Stolen story. Shoot her.” (Secret Window)
“Teens play video games with military.” (Wargames)
“Metal flowers. Blush, bashful. Kidney failure.” (Steel Magnolias)
“Shark attack. Gonna need bigger boat.” (Jaws)

Then we had fun doing only Will Smith movies:
“Impoverished Will Smith kicks advertising butt.” (Pursuit of Happyness)
“Lonely Will Smith kicks epidemic butt.” (I Am Legend)
“Robots attack. Will Smith kicks butt.” (I, Robot)
“Aliens attack. Will Smith kicks butt.” (Independence Day)
“Aliens invade. Will Smith kicks butt.” (Men in Black)
“Aliens invade. Smith kicks butt again.” (Men in Black II)


We started to sense a theme.
Game seemed pointless. Exercise in futility.
It was late. Time for bed.

May you dream in six words.

granny

My Granny passed away yesterday at the age of 92. I got three things from my Granny: my green eyes, my "girls" (if you know what I mean), and my love of hot tea with milk. Granny has spent the last three years in an assisted living community where Alzheimer's was recently causing more bad days than good, and where my mom was traveling the 3+ hours to care for her on a very regular basis, so this is a bittersweet time for my family. There will only be a few of us to mourn this loss, as we are a small family who has already endured more than its fair share of grief. There will be my parents, my three cousins (and possibly their families), my children, my husband, and me. Grandaddy, Uncle Bill (my mom's only sibling) and Stacey (my only sibling) have already left us.

Though there have been some truly hysterical stories since Granny has been in the retirement home, (Kacey: I'm sure Granny STILL wants her car back!) I will choose to hang on to those childhood memories that have helped mold and shape me. I will remember the high four-poster bed, the always immaculate house, Sunday pot roast, "hon" (pronounced in two-syllables as Hu-Wun), roses, Estee Lauder, "the grandaddy", sitting on the back porch, and many, MANY trips to the fabric store so Granny could make dresses for us.

Granny lived by two principles: 1) Do good for other people, and 2) though she frequently said, "Pretty IS as pretty DOES", what she really believed was, "It's better to look good than to feel good!" :o) (I believe she is thoroughly enjoying her immortal body.)

I have no witty story ending here. Nothing profound. Just a life transition that makes this week a bit harder to bear.

salt and battery

Okay, so I just got off the phone with one of my very good friends.

This girl is amazing. She has 5 children - high school down to a 2-year old.

She also takes care of her one-year-old niece on a daily basis.

She also homeschools two of her children.

She also is brilliant and tutors my son in Algebra 2, Geometry and Chemistry.

She would not mind me saying that if you combine brilliance with 5+ children, you get chaos.

Very funny chaos.

So while we were on the phone, her 2-year-old started eating . . . a battery. She immediately dropped her conversation with me to grab the battery out of this kid's mouth. "Baby, "NO" you can't eat batteries!"

"But, Mommy, I hungry!"

Makes good sense to me.
Batteries give you energy, right?

When I read that last line out loud my son said, "Yeah, mom, but this is not a kid we want to keep "going and going and going"!

top ten ways my daughter’s $80,000 college degree (and subsequent marriage to the wonderful nathan) has cost me

Today's blog entry is all in good fun. I ADORE my daughter more than you can imagine! However, this will make little sense unless you read Daughter-Face’s blog entry first. I highly recommend it. She’s funny.

10. I had to teach myself Adobe Photoshop. But just the Elements version. No money left over after her tuition to pay for the full program or the cushy classroom instruction for me.

9. I had to pay taxes on daugher-face’s car for 2008 (even though she has been driving it for 3 years) ‘cause she’s been so busy pouring coffee that she STILL hasn’t dealt with her expired tags!

8. While she studied grammar and Greek, I spent mucho bucks on Starbuck’s Gift Cards to enable her caffeine addiction, thus once again contributing to the training for her current job sloshing Joe.

7. Her dorm furniture that I not only bought, but spent hours putting together with a screwdriver, Q-tips, and my bloody fingers wasn’t good enough for her to take to her new “married” apartment. Her new living room now consists of my mirror, my floor lamp, my coffee table, and my comfy chair that she took from me, leaving my current living room naked and empty.

6. New shirts and hoodies for every club function, every campus event, every mission trip, every new dorm cost me $29.95 every other week for two years so she could look cute in the latest logo-laden cotton top. And she still brought home laundry for me to wash.

5. Her $80,000 journalism degree has succeeded in making her blog funnier than mine, thus leaving me feeling inadequate and unvalidated. I ask you, where are my accolades? Huh, where?!

4. We lived off Ramen noodles at home for four years so she could cook in her PRIVATE dorm room with that nifty little hot pot, cute little plastic plates, cups, can opener, and matchy-matchy little towels that she is now complaining about. (Oh, and daughter-face, next time you’re frying chicken, don’t throw tequila into the greasy pan. That will prevent your little kitchen fires. Just a helpful hint from mommy.)

3. She has a minor in Greek worth about $25,000 of that $80K. Unless they serve coffee in “Alpha” cups and “Omicron” mugs at her new Coffee Shop Job, I’m not sure how helpful it actually was. At least it helped her write her sorority name: Alpha Sigma Sigma

2. Again, no money for expensive geography lessons for me. No fun-filled trips out of the country. No last-minutes weekend excursions to New Orleans with my fiance’. (Though I did have that one really exciting outing to the Saddle Boy competition in Fort Worth in September, so I guess I shouldn’t complain.)

And I had to self-locate the island of Saba on Google maps. Took me forever. Like 3 minutes.

1. I tried to fix my daughter up with a certain boy from home when she was 14 (in future tense since she couldn’t date until 16). I tried to fix her up with him again when she was 16, and then again when she was 20, but NOOOOOOO. So instead, I spent $80,000 on a Christian college education so she could find her a good man. What did she do after she earned her degree? Went off and married the boy I tried to fix her up with 8 years earlier!!!

$80,000. Sheesh.

basketball and backsides

FOG!

I was on my blog fast during our church team’s too-short basketball season, so I didn't really get to blog about our boys in black. Let me just say, it was too much fun! (The basketball games, not the blog fast.) I wish I could explain to you why I find it thoroughly entertaining to watch ten athletic guys acting all manly. . . running back and forth on the court . . . getting all sweaty . . .

Um . . . what was I talking about?

Oh, yeah. There is something unique that happens when men play sports. It’s not teamwork, it’s not camaraderie, it’s not even sportsmanship. It’s simply called:

The "Butt-Slap"

My question is: WHY?

They all do it. And it doesn’t seem to matter WHY. They pop each other on the butt to mean “Good shot!” or, “You’ll get that free throw next time”, or even, “Hey, you’re slacking. Pick it up out there.”

I can’t help but wonder why women, being the more physically demonstrative of the two sexes, don’t follow suit?

“Hey, Laura (insert Butt-Slap here), great Hair Day!”

“Randi! (Quiet Tushy-Tap here) Way to nurse that baby to sleep!”

Or

“Way to get that double-coupon discount on top of the sale price, Sara!” (Double-Butt-Slap for the Double-Coupon-Discount)

What happened to “High-Fives” or the “Jumping Chest Bump” (though I’m pretty clear on why we girls don’t participate in that one), or even a simple pat on the back?

I just think it’s funny. But far be it from me to mess with tradition. This fanny phenomenon among our alpha males probably goes back as far as Sparta or something.

Guess it’s okay, as long as they remember what Jesus said:

“. . . if someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also.”

whatever form it comes in

"Take a deep breath. I smell snow. It’s coming. It’s just my favorite time of the year. The whole world changes color. I love snow. Everything’s magical when it snows. Flakes, flurries, swirls, crystals, whatever form it comes in, I’ll take it. Sleigh rides, ice skating, snowball fights, I’ll even take curling. I love curling.” (~ Gilmore Girls)

I love snow. Did you know? Love it. Some of the best memories of my life are wrapped up in this frozen water-wonder. Stirring homemade hot chocolate. Making snow cream. Building snowmen. Warming by the fireplace. Sleeping late on snow days. Creating snow angels. Bundling up so thick with layers upon layers that you can hardly move. Catching snowflakes on your tongue. Watching the Northern Lights in Anchorage over a snow-blanketed city. Breathing in the ice cold air and watching the whole world turn white. Love it. Love it. Love. It.

We go way back, snow and me.

When I was a kid we lived in Texas for awhile (where it never snows). It snowed. Five inches.

I watched the snow fall on the Chugach mountain peaks the day my daughter was born . . . August 13. Yes, August.

My baby boy was born on the coldest day of the year in 1993. Snowed that day too.

It snowed today. Just a bit. Just a flurry. Just enough to tease. What a perfect way to bring in December. Stop for a minute and watch His power.

God is so good.

I love snow.

pooh . . .

Kacey was a newborn - like maybe 3 weeks old - when an acquaintance (sort of a "friend of a friend") called one morning and asked if I could watch her children for the day. Now I’m about as accomodating they come, but I hardly knew this woman, I had no relationship with her kids (girl 3 and boy 2), but mostly, I just wasn’t up to it. (Hey, don’t judge me! It takes a REALLY LONG TIME to recover from 32 hours of labor!)

Anyway . . . I politely told her I wasn’t up to it, maybe another time.

About half an hour later she called back, this time practically begging. Seems an old friend of hers was in town just for the day and they really wanted to go to lunch and catch up. She had apparently called every one else she had ever known and absolutely no one else was available (this should have been my first clue). She would feed them lunch before she brought them and would only be gone an hour - hour and a half tops.

“Well . . . I guess so,” I replied.

Twenty minutes later she showed up at the door, and informed me that she just hadn't had time to feed them or even pack them a lunch, but that they would eat just about anything I would fix. (Lucky me!)

So I attempted to feed and clean up after two toddlers, while breastfeeding one-handed (now, this may work for some of you B- cup gals, but some of us more well-rounded moms requre both our hands to adequately accomplish this task without smothering our babies.)

Once that task was complete, Kacey fell asleep, so I took her upstairs and put her on the bed. When I returned downstairs a very few minutes later, I saw the 2-year-old turning a corner dressed in Pooh fashion. (Read: shirt, no pants.) Seems he had dropped his diaper . . . somewhere. I quickened my barefoot pace to catch up to him, when, first . . .
I STEPPED IN IT.

Then I said it.

Seems he was not only dressed in Pooh fashion, but also in poo. Which, thanks to the ripaway diaper, now covered my living room floor as well. Gross.

Three (3!) hours, two diaper changes, one temper tantrum (mine) and a $60 carpet cleaning call later, “mom” returned to collect her little angels, without so much as an apology for being late, an offer to clean my carpets, or even a “thank you” for my time.

I’d say I learned a valuable lesson from this experience, but since it has been 20+ years and I am still whining about it, probably not. :o)

This little angel could not be more precious! She has been so sweet and so entertaining and I have enjoyed "watching her" while her parents conferenced! "Emily's Event Countdown Calendar" worked like a charm - my husband says it was "brilliant". (Insert a bit of false humility here . . . but, you know, who am I to argue?)

I learned quite a bit this weekend:
1) Emily's pink socks make her feet "fwetty", which at first I thought meant "pretty" but later learned was "sweaty".
2) Emily's favorite color is pink. So much so that she had to wear the same pink socks all weekend no matter what the outfit, even though her feet got "fwetty".
3) Sunday evening's event was "Going to the Big Movies". We referred to that a lot over the weekend. Finally on the way to the "Big Movies" Emily asked me if it was one moobie or two. I told her it was just one, so she informed me it was NOT the "Big Moobies" but the "Big Moobie". (singular).
4) Emily will only refer to my husband as "Mr. Kevin's daddy".
5) Emily likes to cuddle. Emily REALLY likes to cuddle.
6) "Joe the Polar Bear" is Emily's bedtime story of preference. Her daddy makes up Joe the Polar Bear stories for her at bedtime. I had a bit of fun introducing a new character into this story. . . hope Philip knows what to do with "Freddie-Bob the big giant pumpkin head."
7) Emily can eat her weight in chicken. And popcorn. And macaroni and cheese. And fruit.
8) Tickling and giggling never get old.
9) You can only hear "Mit Tepanie" so many times before it is no longer cute. :o)
10) Emily informed me that her mommy loves her, and that when her mommy comes back she will have to leave me

. . . true, but I think I will be a little sad.

countdown calendars and the warm feet policy

This weekend I will be housesitting for my favorite people and sharing a sleeping space with Topaz the Wonder Pooch, (that is, as long as he sticks to warming my feet and doesn't violate my "stay outside the covers" policy!)

I will also have the lovely little Miss Emily with me for the weekend. She is 3 and is spending her first prolonged length of time away from Mom, Dad and baby brother "Buddy". I am also hoping my niece (and maybe even my nephew?) will show up for the latter part of this weekend!

So to intercept any "homesick for my mommy" feelings that may arise, I have made what I am calling "Emily's Event Countdown Calendar" for the weekend, with progressive photos of all the exciting things we plan to do, including McNuggets and the cowboy's horses and a visit to the latest Kiddie-Fun-Place with her best friend, culminating in the return of Emily's sweet family. I thought this might help keep her weekend in perspective and give her something tangible to pass the time. Hope it works!

I tried this with Kevin, but "Kevin's Kountdown Kalendar" was a flop.
I guess gazing at a list filled with photos of taking out the trash, carrying boxes to the car, doing an English class rewrite, and watching t.v. with Mommy just didn't hold the thrill for my 15-year-old that I thought it would. :o)

indy-GO and the mattress mayhem

Our Indy weekend involved the new James Bond, Cold Stone ice cream, a quest to find a restaurant that could seat us in under 90 minutes, an extensive tour of downtown Indianapolis (beautiful architecture and history, but not much in the landscape department), sleeping late, napping after sleeping late, going to bed early after napping and sleeping late, caramel apple cider at daughter-face's new work establishment , and visiting the church Kacey & Nathan have decided to be part of. (Yes, I am aware I ended that sentence with a preposition. I tried wording it numerous other ways, but "of which they have decided to be a part" just wasn't cutting it for me. My deepest apologies to all whom I have offended.)

Preparation for the weekend trip involved Kevin climbing into our attic to get his sister's Christmas tree at her request. After initial searching, Kevin was unable to locate said tree. I informed Kacey via text that her tree may have been the one we planted in someone's yard last year as a practical joke. (Trust me, this was hysterical.)

Facing the fact that she might not have her beloved tree, Kacey replied, "Sheesh. Some Christmas this is gonna be. I feel like Charlie Brown."

Upon reflection, I realized it was the BIG tree we had prank-planted and hers was definitely here. I sent Kevin on another hunt. Still, nothing. Then I remembered, "Oh, yeah, you're sending a 15-year-old boy to look for something he doesn't want to find!" So I told him I would keep sending him back to the attic until he found it. AMAZINGLY he found it on the very next trip.

In anticipation of our visit, Kacey borrowed an air mattress so we would have a comfy place to sleep. They offered us their bed, but we declined and said we were happy to sleep on the air mattress. And then I remembered . . .

(Mom and Dad, please forgive me in advance for the story I am about to tell!)

When we lived in our little one-bedroom apartment in Georgia, my family came to visit and brought an air mattress with them. My sister slept on the couch and we inflated - manually - the balloon-bed on which Mom and Dad would sleep. And when I say "manually" I mean "orally". Yep. No vacuum inflaters back then. Not even a measly little foot pump. We huffed. And we puffed. And we huffed. And we puffed. And we blew that giant overpriced pool float right up. . . over the course of, say, two or three hours.

Some time later we were all sleeping peacefully in our respective beds when the apartment complex came under attack. In the wee hours of the morning we were awakened by an explosion akin to a sonic boom or an 8.2 earthquake:

BOOM!!!!

It hit us so hard we literally screamed ourselves awake. "WHAT WAS THAT?! ARE YOU OKAY? ARE WE UNDER ATTACK? IS EVERYBODY ALIVE?" I ran the 5 steps from my bed to the living room to witness the following: the air mattress had exploded, Dad was lying FLAT on the floor, Mom was draped over him like the wreath on a winning racehorse, and the remaining air (and saliva) in the mattress was poofing out past their toes. Recalling this story still makes me laugh out loud.

I'd give anything to have an actual photograph of "Ground Zero" following this mattress-mayhem, but then again, the mental picture in my head is so worth these thousand words.

indy-pendent . . . part 1

We went to see "the kids" this weekend. Nathan & Kacey moved to Indianapolis about two months ago, so we took a rare free weekend and make the 5-hour trek northward.

First, Kacey began texting on Friday morning. Dozens of texts throughout the day: "Are you packed? Are you ready? Are you excited? When are you gonna get here? Get OUTTA BED AND GET IN THE CAR WOMAN!!! When are you leaving? Mommy!!!!!!! Are you STILL in bed? Get up and go to work and then come see meeeeee! Oh, my goodness!!!!!!!!! Have you left yet??????? Come on, Mommy!!!!!"

I have to admit, it's nice to be wanted. :o)

Once we were on the road there were only a few essential texts from her:
1) because she knew I would be the one driving; and
2) because her dad is textually incompetent.

The last text was "Are you guys close?" To which we responded, "Yes, we feel we are a very tightly-knit family." She responded with sarcasm which communicated to us that was NOT what she meant. Ten minutes later we were enjoying a dinner of pork tenderloin, sweet potatoes, pineapple, broccoli and rice. This kid who used to need help adding water to her Ramen Noodles has become a competent boiler-baker-biscuit maker! She also made a "big breakfast" Saturday morning using every kitchen-gadget-wedding-gift known to man - waffles, coffee, biscuits, eggs, and the promise of fruit smoothies (which we somehow never got around to making. Maybe next visit.)

It's time for my Monday lunch with you-know-who, plus guitar lessons for Kevin, new shoes for me (preferably some that will help me remain in an upright-and-locked position), and tutoring with the Seifert clan. More later!

HIJACKED!!!!

So, I've been very, very patient. A long time ago a certain someone hijacked my blog and posted a picture of me skiing. My best form of revenge is to ignore because it drives people crazy that you don't say anything. However, now it's my turn to hijack! Steph is not back from her blog hiatus and I miss her blogs ALOT but I just wanted to take this opportunity to say........


HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPHANIE!!!!!

If you know or have been around Stephanie at certain times you know that if she notices that it is 10:24pm or 10:24am she wants her children or whoever to sing to her because it's her "birthday." I thought it only appropriate that we all leave you birthday wishes on the actual date.... 10.24.08!

I hope birthday week has been fun and that you know how loved you are by your friends and family!
It's time to celebrate!!!!

I love ya friend!

-Sara

i'm not leaving this room

I'm at a hotel tonight. Never stayed in a hotel by myself before. Thought it might be a little creepy . . . until I saw the room. Can I just say, "Holy Hyatt Place, Batman?" This is the most amazing room I have ever been in. There are 7 pillows on the bed and a sectional sofa on the other side of the wall. (No, there are not 2 beds . . . I will try to remedy that for those of you joining me tomorrow night!) A real hair dryer is tucked away nicely in the vanity drawer - not mounted to the wall with a too-short curly cord. The artwork does NOT look like it came from a 1992 Home Interior's party. A desk, a mini-bar, some interesting built-ins and wainscotting (you know, that nice moulding around the middle of the wall.) I have decided to skip the Friday session of the ZOE Conference and stay here all day watching HG-TV - on the large, flatscreen tv. After I get a massage and a pedicure, of course.

Oh, yeah. I don't have a laptop. I'm blogging from the Hyatt Place's little computer nook.

Feel sorry for me . . . I'm all alone.

happy hour

We were eating lunch one day and wondering if we couldn’t just hang around the restaurant until 2 p.m. so we could just go straight to Sonic for Happy Hour (Oh, yeah. Health nuts we are.) Anyway, the subject got changed somehow to breastfeeding and the fact that Kevin nursed until he was old enough to tie his shoes. Kevin was expressing his disdain for the awkwardness of the topic when Mike said, “I don’t see what your problem is. You used to think THAT was Happy Hour!” Made me laugh.

We have decided to name our amazingly fun kitten, Thumper. She jumps. Vertically. Makes me laugh.

My daughter calls me “maw”. I hate it. Hate. It. She says “maw” implies a good, old-timey, but hip to what her kids need, mother. I say it is the “old-timey” label to which I take offense. I asked her to stop. She said “get used to it”. I have decided to call her “hag”. Makes me laugh. I think she needs to get used to it.

free-range butcher-fleers

It seems a few weeks back some cows escaped from a farm in the south part of our county. I’m not sure of the details, maybe the Chik-Fil-A billboards were starting to worry them, maybe their “uttermilk” was being shipped to Ben & Jerry’s, but regardless, they saw a downed fence, cried “Freedom”, and decided to make a break for it. They were wildly successful. Something like 50 or 60 of them wandering the streets and suburbs near Almo.

We learned this information from my youngest brother-in-law who is one of the deputy sheriffs in the county, as they spent many hours working with Animal Control trying to round up the AWOL cattle. They, unlike the cows, were NOT successful. Consequently, my brother-in-law was busy over the next few nights answering phone calls from people with unexpected bovine yard invasions.

“Uh, Mabel, call 9-1-1, thar’s a cow on the porch and I’ont thank she’s sellin’ Avon.”

After a week or so, the farmers from whom these cows absconded informed the officers they should just “eliminate” any of the ones left roaming lest they become traffic hazards.

Upon hearing this, my husband, ever the opportunist, devises a plan.

Free cows = Open Season

Cow Hunting. Or, cow herding, really, as he has no intent to kill, (unless, of course, the cows draw first blood.)

His plan is only to capture these free-range Bessies, and thereby begin his own cattle farm (or dairy farm - again, I didn’t get all the details). Of course, we don’t own a farm, but that’s a minor detail to the cowboy. His modus operandi involves his dad, both his brothers, one friend, at least 3 ATV’s, a farm trailer and, of course, his mustangs.

There were more details to this ingenious scheme, but while he was recounting them to me, my brain wandered off to my happy place.